Wednesday, 19 November 2014

Grunge and the Actual Grunge

Since I have my Grunge & Torment facebook page and hang around other grunge pages I determined that for many people (apparently young girls..?) grunge is rather a style/attitude to life than a musical style.
And then there are those who are really tender in the matter of their favorite musical genre and leave enlightening comments underneath photos of seemingly anorexic girls with smudgy make-up and creepers, that that wouldn't be grunge, but a desperate girl in clothes she might think are "grunge-style" and that blurred mascara is the identification for a grunge girl. 

Honestly: I like both of them, the desperate teenagers and the good old grungers, who really are experts on the musical level. I'm afraid I'm more the desperate girl than the expert, whereby I'd prefer the latter. 

I mentioned it in My Grunge Story: When I think of grunge I think of feelings, injustice and indifference, so... No, in my opinion grunge has got nothing to do with fashion, that would be kind of it's contrary, because clothes are superficial, it's indifferent what you're wearing when singing about social injustice or whatever. Apropos, that's kind of grunge's definition: whatever. Right? So you don't care about your clothes. 

Anyway, some kind of grunge-style did develop: I'm thinking of chucks, torn jeans and flannel shirts. If you look at what Nirvana were wearing: Practical things, not creepers and tights (let's be honest girls, in winter they are damn cold). Not sure who said this (Layne Staley maybe): "We're only wearing what we're wearing 'cause it's damn cold in Seattle" (or so...), had to laugh when I heard that and thought of all the girls who literally spend an hour a day in front of their wardrobe, wondering what they should wear. I mean, I'm impressed by those all tarted up grunge girls, but some of them run the risk of seeming too superficial for honestly listening (and understanding) grunge music. Don't get me wrong, like I already mentioned, I'm not an expert on the lyrics. But... I don't know, I listen to it because lately I got so many rage and sometimes also despair inside me that I just can't listen to brainless songs about how beautiful life is. I'd punch people in their faces if I couldn't listen to my music. 

About the attitude of life-thing: I think the first honest Nirvana fans were all people who totally saw the truth in their songs. People, who had a certain attitude of life (voluntarily or not). And somehow there was a lot of despair and anger there, that was what it was all about in the beginning. 

I saw all those "grunge"-pages and often thought: This is rather a page full of suicidal people who wait for the day they will meet Kurt than a page about music. "Pastel grunge" is what they call it, when there are kittens and unicorns garnishing creepy quotations. 

To end up with actual grunge: 
Man, they really didn't give a shit (which I love).

Oh, and if anyone can explain why some people are convinced Nirvana weren't grunge, please enlighten me, I'm confused. 

Sunday, 12 October 2014

Inspiring Characters

Over the last years I experienced with different styles, now I'm really having fun wearing grungy outfits. They just fit me, mentally.
I realised that I've always loved that style, but just didn't know there was a name for it until I began to listen to grunge music and found out about the whole grunge-thing. 
In this post I'm gonna show you some charakters from movies and TV series that inspire/d me in terms of cloths, hairstyle, make-up and such things. 
(There's no order like who is most inspiring or something, I just named anyone who came to my mind)
I think there will be another post about inspiring characters, many real (like existing in real life) people came to my mind when I made this post.

from Leon

from Dance Academy 

from Welcome to the Rileys

from the Harry Potter Movies

from The last Song

from the Twilight Movies

from The last Song

from Suburgatory 

from Titanic 

from Domino

from Breaking Bad

from Reality Bites

from Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind

from Legends of the Fall 

from the Lord of the Rings Movies

Sunday, 14 September 2014

BLACK & YELLOW & WHITE (Photoshoot)

Just some shots, I was in the mood...
Thanks to my little brother Alex, who took them. Actually I kind of abused him for photographing, that evening he was completely down and out and just wanted to go bed - sorry, bro! Nevertheless you did a good job :) 







Thursday, 4 September 2014

DIY Denimjacket

I always liked jackets with patches on them, but the ones I saw in shops were never hundred percent what I wanted. The patches were mostly about things I don't like or even know, so I decided to make my own jacket. 

I got a denimjacket from Tally Weijl, it was really cheap 'cause it had the "Last Days"- label on it. I payed 12 to 13 Euros for it. 

The patches I ordered from amazon, altogether and with transportation costs they costed about 60 Euros. 
Except the Soundgarden patch they were all to iron, but I also sewn them, because they didn't seem to be properly fixed after ironing. 

So, this is what my jacket looks like now: 

What the patches should say about me: 

BAND PATCHES: Nirvana, Soundgarden, Red Hot Chili Peppers: I simply love to listen to them. 
Sex Pistols: Actually I was looking for the UK-flag, but then found the Sex Pistols' Logo, which looks really cool in my opinion. To be honest I do not know much about the Sex Pistols, but I once watched an interview with silverchair and Daniel Johns was wearing a Sex Pistols-shirt, so I thought they can't be too bad. At least I love this song: Sex Pistols: Anarchy In The UK

SAVE THE EARTH PATCH: Well, I think when people see this one, it might make them think for a short moment about the environment. For sure that wouldn't be a bad thing. 

RAINBOW PATCH: I'm against homophobia. (

PEACE PATCH: I'm against war (big surprise). 

THE REMAINING PATCHES: I love strawberries, wolves are cool animals which stand for strength and willpower (thinking about getting a wolf tattoo), spiderman is the only superhero I ever liked. I think he's really cool. 

There are no patches on the back of my jacket, I'm thinking about making something like this: 

Or maybe just write the lyrics of a good song or a good quote on it. Don't know yet. 
I'm also thinking about writing things onto all the left space... Like songs, quotes, sayings or just individual terms or names. 

Hope I could inspire you guys! 

Beautiful, sad song by Candlebox: 

Sunday, 24 August 2014

Kurt Cobain's Death - Murder?

I recently got a few followers on my facebook page, which made me very happy. Most of those - hello, btw, it's nice to have you here :) - are HUGE Nirvana fans, so today's post is about Kurt Cobain.

The murder theories - I can't remember how or why I got interested in that topic, I just always felt sorry for Kurt Cobain, from the moment on I read that he had killed himself. Now I no longer believe in this statement. I have become very skeptical when watching the news or reading the newspaper, why should I believe what I'm told? The government makes the press tell people what is best for the government. And, of course, it's not good to tell people a huge Rock-Idol was killed. Because they would be upset. They would ask for answers. The police would probably be overwhelmed, if they had to find a murderer while the world is watching them.
And there's always the money. Politicians get payed for doing this, journalists get payed for saying that and so on. It sucks.

I'm not an anarchist, never really dealt with this topic (anarchy). But I think we should not believe everything we are told. We are just the people. We are the small ones. We are the ones that are being used and exploited by companies, politicians, the press. As far as possible, we are kept on a short leash.

Now, in the case of Kurt Cobain's death - what should the "big ones" do?
They have a corpse, they have a huge crowd of people, which will be beside themselves when being told about that corpse. They have a famous singer/widow, who's inevitable involved in the whole thing and who could also be involved in the superstar's death. They have a shotgun, heroin and a suicide note (which actually isn't a suicide note). But they don't have an autopsy report, they haven't questioned all the suspects, witnesses and family members yet.
A decision needs to be made, the journalists are waiting.

I think the police could not cope with the pressure, they told the public it had been suicide on the very same day they found the corpse!
I also think that they made mistakes and that they didn't always use their brains.
And they certainly didn't want to be portrayed as incompetent, so after telling the public it had been suicide they never really tried to find out what exactly had happenend in the greenhouse. Even though there were many people who had submitted more or less credible evidence that argued against a suicide.
One of the consequences were the so-called "copy-cat" suicides: Children and teenagers - Nirvana fans - killed themselves, too. Officially it's 68 cases, actually there were probably hundreds of young people, who killed themselves after their idol had done it. But only 68 left a suicide note, which is the reason why only these cases are officially documented as Kurt Cobain - "copy-cat" suicides. For me this case was very shocking:
In January 1995 an eleven year old boy was found hanged in his home's basement in Ile d'Orleans, Quebec. His suicide note says, "I kill myself for Kurt". In her obituary his mother asked other children not to listen to Nirvana's "negative music". 
I mean - fuck! He was eleven!

Tom Grant (private investigator and former detective who worked on the case from the very beginning on) made a website dealing with Kurt Cobain's death and the murder theory. I knew the facts below from the book Love & Death: The Murder Of Kurt Cobain, but you can find them on Tom Grant's website.
These are some of the facts that made me think about the whole thing and let me believe in murder:

Kurt Cobain wanted to leave his wife and she knew it. Weeks before he died, Courney Love asked one of her lawyers to get the "meanest, most vicious divorce lawyer" she could find.

Someone tried to use Kurt Cobain's credit card, when he was already dead. When his body was found, the attempts to use the credit card stopped.

The shotgun that killed Kurt Cobain was bought before he went to rehab, not after he fled *. It was purchased and fully loaded for protection, because for some reason Kurt Cobain was in fear of his life. Why should he fully load it with three shells, if he wanted to kill himself, what for he would only need one bullet?
The police says there were no legible fingerprints on the shotgun.

The "suicide note" was not adressed to his wife and daughter and says nothing about killing himself. It was written to his fans telling them he was quitting the music business. The footnote to Courtney Love and his daughter was probably added by someone else.

Courtney Love had a second note. She didn't tell anyone about it until months later when information about it slipped out during an interview for a magazine.
The second note was about leaving his wife and leaving Seattle, but not about killing himself. It clearly defines the note found at the scene.

Kurt Cobain had three times a lethal dose of heroin in his blood.
- When injecting such an amount, you are almost immediately incapacitated. It is very (very, very) unlikely that he even managed to put away the injection paraphernalia. He could not have picked up the shotgun and he could not have pulled the trigger.
- Why should Kurt Cobain even shoot himself? The amount of heroin would've killed him anyway. He had a lot of experience with heroin and would have known that.

Kurt Cobain built no barricading *.

Kurt Cobain did not leave his Driver's License *. A policeman found his closed wallet, took and opened it and placed it on the floor.

There is no forensic evidence that proves Kurt Cobain's death was a suicide. There is evidence for murder.

Tom Grant says he's got more information, more evidence that proves it was murder, but he does not want to publish it.
When reading the book and seeing him in the documentary Kurt & Courtney he seemed to be very neutral and really trying to save the case, which is another reason that makes me believe in the murder theory.

*as reported by misinformed media sources.

In addition to the points listed above, I think it's unlikely that Kurt Cobain wanted to kill himself at this point of his life. He had a nineteen month old daughter. Kurt Cobain about being a father:

"There's nothing better than having a baby. [...] I can't tell you how much my attitude has changed since we've got Frances. Holding my baby is the best drug in the world."

Of course, he wouldn't be the first father who commits suicide. But I think it would've been a strange time for a suicide. There were many parts of his life he had less to loose, many parts in which he would have left back less. In my opinion having a baby was one of the best things that could happen to Kurt Cobain, to his psyche.

I still got a few pages of Love and Death by Ian Halperin and Max Wallace left, I haven't read. I watched Kurt & Courtney, I also watched Last Days. But that's all I did, so I'm not an expert on that topic. But what I know makes me believe that it would be stupid to just believe what you're told and accept a suicide. That may be easier than thinking about Kurt Cobain's death over and over again, in the end only being able to say: I do not know. I actually can't tell what really happenend. 
But I'm still doing better that way than believing in a suicide.

I'm really curious about the documentary Soaked In Bleach, which will come out this year. Watch the trailer here:

I'm also curious about what you think about Kurt Cobain's "suicide", so -
leave a comment & tell me!
(You don't need to be registered on for leaving comments!)

If you are interested in this topic:

Tom Grant'swebsite on this topic:

Book: Love and Death: The Murder Of Kurt Cobain

Movie: Kurt & Courtney

Movie: Last Days

If you search for it on the internet, you will find websites in any language, television documentaries and books dealing with this topic.

"Oh well, whatever, nevermind."
Rest in peace, Kurt.